Saturday, December 20, 2014

Yellow Mustard Re-Review - French's Classic

It's so cute!
Welcome, Mustardeers, to our first Hard Yellow Re-Review!

I've noticed that I've been rather harsh to a number of mustards I have reviewed in the past, including this hallmark of the contemporary mustard scene, French's Classic Yellow. This is the mustard you will see when you look up mustard on Google Images; it's the mustard you'll find at a barbeque, on a pretzel cart, or in a hot dog shop. This mustard is a reliable bastion of the Mustard faith.

Now, before I said the mustard was just okay. But now that I've received the mustard as a personal gift, I'm willing to go further and say it's really quite good. The vinegar to mustard ratio is not as large as I remember; while it still is more vinegary than Koop's, it's pretty formidable in the mustard flavor department.

I'd also like to talk about the shape of the bottle. Like, come on! This thing is a masterpiece of industrial design. The curvature of the bottle is optimal for squeezing; the cap is both small enough at the tip to avoid crusty mustardness, and wide enough at the bottom to allow easy squeezing; and it has a great iconic look, comparable to the classic Campbell's can as a classic icon.

All in all, I give this mustard 8 cutesy mustard bottles out of 10, for it's many strengths in the mustard category and it's superiority in the packaging one.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Yellow Mustard Review - Koops' Original

What a wonderful thing!

Welcome, Mustardeers, to the review of my favorite yellow mustard!

Koops' is a wonderful mustard, with a nice, full-bodied taste, unlike other common yellow mustards like French's, which goes down the vinegary line instead. The mustard has many great qualities that set it apart from the generic family barbeque mustard, which keeps me using it day after day. Fasten your seatbelts, because you've boarded the Hard Yellow roller-coaster of mustardy goodness!

First, the bottle shape is quite nice. It's big, has a nice hand feel and looks authentic with the real mustard yellow color, unlike French's or Heinz' brighter yellow. Even with my voracious mustard appetite, I haven't run out of the stuff from my month-old bottle. My only criticism is that the flip cap can yield a crusty mustard-disk if not cleaned after use; it's not a nice experience to have that drop in the middle of your food, you know?

Moving on to the consistency. It's a smooth mustard, but maybe slightly less than other commercial mustards. It gives off the feeling that there's real ground mustard seeds in there, instead of concentrated mustard powder. (It's probably still powder, but mouthfeel is mouthfeel.)

Finally, the overall taste. As I mentioned earlier, the mustard is frankly just more mustardy than other yellow mustards. The increased mustard flavor works well withe the tartness of the vinegar to create a wonderful casual mustard, great for use with hot dogs, burgers and the odd soft pretzel. I give this mustard a solid 8 Mini-Coopers (geddit) out of 10, for a nice, functional mustard that keeps every meal enjoyable without the stress of choosing the perfect mustard.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Dijon Mustard Review - French's Dijon

Hon hon hon!
Did you know that French's made more that yellow mustard?

Probably. Here is one of the finer mustards I have tasted from French's. Apparently mustards is spelled wrong, but I think this is lying to me. I actually have only had French's yellow though, so I'm not exactly the most credible person to say that. But it was much better than I expected! Being French's, I assumed this would be a rather mediocre mustard. Surprisingly enough, it was pretty good. I actually had it twice, two days in a row. After making my first sandwich, I figured, "Hey, this is dijon. That might be too much." It probably was. This is a rather strong dijon, with a nice spicy, strong taste. I personally find mustard with a strong taste to be preferable, though I do dislike overpowering mustard. Back to the mustard.

French's Dijon is quite an experience. With a desirable texture and a strong, dijon-y taste, I'd give French's Dijon mustard a good 7 bottles of chardonnay out of 10. A delightful experience, I would recommend this mustard to any classic BBQ, or even for a small dinner or something. I don't know. It's pretty alright though.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Mustard Product Review - Strong & Kind Honey Mustard Almond Protein Bar

This stuff is amazing.

Just going to preface this review with that; honestly, start queuing up a shipment of strong bars on Amazon while you read this. It's legitimate mustard mana.

The Strong & Kind bars, which my friends and I fondly refer to as Strong Bars, are almond-based protein bars that are surprisingly good for you, and even more surprisingly amazingly delicious. If this were not a mustard blog, I would be praising the Honey Smoked BBQ and Thai Sweet Chili flavors too; luckily enough, however, the Honey Mustard flavor reigns supreme.

But wait, you may ask - Why in hell's name are you perusing a line of protein bars? Let me explain.

My good friend brought in one of these formidable-looking things to homeroom one morning, and my friends and I incessantly made fun of him for eating such an apparently disgusting thing as a protein bar; I will definitely give you that this thing has an initially off-putting appearance, but you'll get over it, or even grow to enjoy it with a certain love.
Anyhoo, he told us how great it was, and it quickly became the new fad, if you will, in our friend group of thirty-something. Nowadays, it's a cherished good that we celebrate in partaking in every time.

Unfortunately we couldn't complete the flavor quintet of Honey BBQ, Roasted Jalapeno, Hickory Smoked & Thai Sweet Chili without Honey Mustard, which was apparently so popular or amazing that our local supermarket either doesn't carry them or runs out of them immediately. Eventually, we decided to order them online. A week later, we indulged ourselves in some Strong Bar goodness.

And onto the actual review we go!

The Strong Bar, in all it's 45º angle glory!
Let's start with appearance. Like I said before, it's kind of endearingly ugly. It's just a cobbled together bar of a variety of protein-y things, with a strange sheen and a sticky texture. Honestly, on first contact with a Strong Bar, I thought it would taste pretty bad. However, I was wrong; the taste is quite nice. The almonds aren't too hard and dry, the seeds are tasty and crackly, and it's overall pretty good, even if you had it without flavor.

But here on Hard Yellow, all we care about it mustard!

The honey mustard flavor of the Honey Mustard Strong Bar is very strong. It's a firey sort of mustard, kind of like Colman's, just weaker. The honey aspect of the bar is quite refreshing, with a sweetness after the mustardy flavor. The aftertaste is a nice combination of the mustard & honey, which leaves you wanting more. Honestly, this is the tastiest health food you could ever ingest, folks.

So, mustardeers, I rate this bar at a 9.9 Strong Bars out of 10, just because it's not readily available. Go out and get yourself some Strong Bars, so you can become strong too.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Stone Ground Mustard Review - Bookbinder's Whole Grain Mustard

Okay so I guess we're doing this again so get hyped for some better-than-Pox's-reviews!

I decided to eat a sandwich on Sunday, so I figured I'd go a little wild on the mustard.

Well, it's actually a fairly normal stone ground mustard. Bookbinder's Whole Grain Mustard is a pretty run of the mill mustard. It didn't have any particular smell or outstanding taste. I actually had two of these in the fridge but one of them expired March 2013, so I decided not to eat that one. Now that I think about it, that's kinda gross.

Anyways you can probably find this stuff at your local supermarket because it was in a plastic bottle and not all fancy like Pox's stuff. When I opened it, it had a hole for the mustard to come out of rather than a open top, therefore avoiding gross crusty stuff. That being said, it was kind of hard to squeeze it out, Not like, I was exhausted by it, but more of a, "this is mustard not a strong person competition." The consistency of the mustard was nice, it wasn't oily or hard or weird.

Now to taste. It wasn't very strong. It was saying, "I'm here, eat me," but it wasn't grabbing my tongue and yelling, "Feast on my soul, human." You could only really taste it if you singled it out from the sandwich. Even then it wasn't very strong. And I'm not going to stick it on my finger and lick it. I think Pox does that. He's kinda weird.

So, overall, I'd give this persuasion of Bookbinder's mustard a solid 5 stone ground mustard seeds out of 10. Nothing special, nothing awful.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Dijon Mustard Review - Edmond Fallot Basil

C'est une belle moutarde, oui?
Welcome, fellow mustardeers, to the world of French mustard! Or, should I say, la monde des moutardes françaises! (My French is horrible, just warning you now.)

Mustard has been a part of French cuisine for centuries, chiefly dijon mustard, a classic variety of mustard made with white wine in lieu of vinegar. Now, most dijons do not actually sire from the original French city of Dijon. However, the Fallot Mustard Mill, which creates Edmon Fallot-brand mustard, is actually located in the Burgundian region of France, of which Dijon is the capital. (Their website is honestly fantastic, if translated a bit wonkily.) It doesn't get much more authentic than this!

Walking through my local HomeGoods the other day, I found this noble-looking jar with an orange mark-down sticker upon it. Half an hour later, I was home with my surprisingly inexpensive little prize. May the mustardy gods bless thee, HomeGoods!

Upon opening the stately jar, you find that the mustard is very, very pungent in smell, like many traditionally made mustards. Do not see this as a turn-off, however - the strong smell of white wine is not what it will taste like. In fact, the mustard does not taste much like white wine at all - it has an incredibly powerful basil taste. I found it overpowering when used as a dip for meats, so I recommend using it in conjunction with starches or bread. The mustard flavor is not the strongest, but I find that acceptable, given that the centerpiece of this particular mustard is it's basil attribute.

This mustard is quite the experience, and I recommend it to all those who enjoy pesto more than anything. I give it 7 basil leaves out of 10; it was often overpowering, but all in all, it was a formidable mustard that is worth your time.