Yellow Mustard Re-Review - French's Classic

It's so cute!

Welcome, Mustardeers, to our first Hard Yellow Re-Review!

I've noticed that I've been rather harsh to a number of mustards I have reviewed in the past, including this hallmark of the contemporary mustard scene, French's Classic Yellow. This is the mustard you will see when you look up mustard on Google Images; it's the mustard you'll find at a barbeque, on a pretzel cart, or in a hot dog shop. This mustard is a reliable bastion of the Mustard faith.

Now, before I said the mustard was just okay. But now that I've received the mustard as a personal gift, I'm willing to go further and say it's really quite good. The vinegar to mustard ratio is not as large as I remember; while it still is more vinegary than Koop's, it's pretty formidable in the mustard flavor department.

I'd also like to talk about the shape of the bottle. Like, come on! This thing is a masterpiece of industrial design. The curvature of the bottle is optimal for squeezing; the cap is both small enough at the tip to avoid crusty mustardness, and wide enough at the bottom to allow easy squeezing; and it has a great iconic look, comparable to the classic Campbell's can as a classic icon.

All in all, I give this mustard 8 cutesy mustard bottles out of 10, for it's many strengths in the mustard category and it's superiority in the packaging one.

Dijon Mustard Review - French's Dijon

Hon hon hon!

Did you know that French's made more that yellow mustard?

Probably. Here is one of the finer mustards I have tasted from French's. Apparently mustards is spelled wrong, but I think this is lying to me. I actually have only had French's yellow though, so I'm not exactly the most credible person to say that. But it was much better than I expected! Being French's, I assumed this would be a rather mediocre mustard. Surprisingly enough, it was pretty good. I actually had it twice, two days in a row. After making my first sandwich, I figured, "Hey, this is dijon. That might be too much." It probably was. This is a rather strong dijon, with a nice spicy, strong taste. I personally find mustard with a strong taste to be preferable, though I do dislike overpowering mustard. Back to the mustard.

French's Dijon is quite an experience. With a desirable texture and a strong, dijon-y taste, I'd give French's Dijon mustard a good 7 bottles of chardonnay out of 10. A delightful experience, I would recommend this mustard to any classic BBQ, or even for a small dinner or something. I don't know. It's pretty alright though.

Yellow Mustard Review - French's Classic Yellow

As our first review on Hard Yellow, we're starting with the classic cookout condiment, yellow mustard. This kind of mustard, the kind commonly encountered out in the condiment wilderness, is truly a masterpiece. Imagine a world, with no mustard. Just ketchup. Disgusting.

Classic Yellow mustard is a rather classic example of yellow mustard. So classic that it is, in fact, yellow. Not only is this mustard yellow, but it is also classic! Anyways, this mustard is a work of art. It tastes like what mustard should taste like: mustard. A little on the vinegary side, but that's to be expected from a both yellow and French's mustard.
The main problem is that weird crusty mustard rings around the cap that the mustard comes out of, which is a common problem with any kind of yellow mustard; without extreme care and maintenance of one's squeezable bottle, the cap will become a desolate wasteland. But not all can be perfect. Overall, it's pretty okay.

WALROR EDIT: Pox did a re-review so I'm not gonna give this a rating.

we didn't get paid for this i swear