Yellow Mustard Re-Review - French's Classic

It's so cute!

Welcome, Mustardeers, to our first Hard Yellow Re-Review!

I've noticed that I've been rather harsh to a number of mustards I have reviewed in the past, including this hallmark of the contemporary mustard scene, French's Classic Yellow. This is the mustard you will see when you look up mustard on Google Images; it's the mustard you'll find at a barbeque, on a pretzel cart, or in a hot dog shop. This mustard is a reliable bastion of the Mustard faith.

Now, before I said the mustard was just okay. But now that I've received the mustard as a personal gift, I'm willing to go further and say it's really quite good. The vinegar to mustard ratio is not as large as I remember; while it still is more vinegary than Koop's, it's pretty formidable in the mustard flavor department.

I'd also like to talk about the shape of the bottle. Like, come on! This thing is a masterpiece of industrial design. The curvature of the bottle is optimal for squeezing; the cap is both small enough at the tip to avoid crusty mustardness, and wide enough at the bottom to allow easy squeezing; and it has a great iconic look, comparable to the classic Campbell's can as a classic icon.

All in all, I give this mustard 8 cutesy mustard bottles out of 10, for it's many strengths in the mustard category and it's superiority in the packaging one.

Yellow Mustard Review - Koops' Original

What a wonderful thing!

Welcome, Mustardeers, to the review of my favorite yellow mustard!

Koops' is a wonderful mustard, with a nice, full-bodied taste, unlike other common yellow mustards like French's, which goes down the vinegary line instead. The mustard has many great qualities that set it apart from the generic family barbeque mustard, which keeps me using it day after day. Fasten your seatbelts, because you've boarded the Hard Yellow roller-coaster of mustardy goodness!

First, the bottle shape is quite nice. It's big, has a nice hand feel and looks authentic with the real mustard yellow color, unlike French's or Heinz' brighter yellow. Even with my voracious mustard appetite, I haven't run out of the stuff from my month-old bottle. My only criticism is that the flip cap can yield a crusty mustard-disk if not cleaned after use; it's not a nice experience to have that drop in the middle of your food, you know?

Moving on to the consistency. It's a smooth mustard, but maybe slightly less than other commercial mustards. It gives off the feeling that there's real ground mustard seeds in there, instead of concentrated mustard powder. (It's probably still powder, but mouthfeel is mouthfeel.)

Finally, the overall taste. As I mentioned earlier, the mustard is frankly just more mustardy than other yellow mustards. The increased mustard flavor works well withe the tartness of the vinegar to create a wonderful casual mustard, great for use with hot dogs, burgers and the odd soft pretzel. I give this mustard a solid 8 Mini-Coopers (geddit) out of 10, for a nice, functional mustard that keeps every meal enjoyable without the stress of choosing the perfect mustard.

Mustard Product Review - Strong & Kind Honey Mustard Almond Protein Bar

This stuff is amazing.

Just going to preface this review with that; honestly, start queuing up a shipment of strong bars on Amazon while you read this. It's legitimate mustard mana.

The Strong & Kind bars, which my friends and I fondly refer to as Strong Bars, are almond-based protein bars that are surprisingly good for you, and even more surprisingly amazingly delicious. If this were not a mustard blog, I would be praising the Honey Smoked BBQ and Thai Sweet Chili flavors too; luckily enough, however, the Honey Mustard flavor reigns supreme.

But wait, you may ask - Why in hell's name are you perusing a line of protein bars? Let me explain.

My good friend brought in one of these formidable-looking things to homeroom one morning, and my friends and I incessantly made fun of him for eating such an apparently disgusting thing as a protein bar; I will definitely give you that this thing has an initially off-putting appearance, but you'll get over it, or even grow to enjoy it with a certain love.
Anyhoo, he told us how great it was, and it quickly became the new fad, if you will, in our friend group of thirty-something. Nowadays, it's a cherished good that we celebrate in partaking in every time.

Unfortunately we couldn't complete the flavor quintet of Honey BBQ, Roasted Jalapeno, Hickory Smoked & Thai Sweet Chili without Honey Mustard, which was apparently so popular or amazing that our local supermarket either doesn't carry them or runs out of them immediately. Eventually, we decided to order them online. A week later, we indulged ourselves in some Strong Bar goodness.

And onto the actual review we go!

The Strong Bar, in all it's 45º angle glory!

Let's start with appearance. Like I said before, it's kind of endearingly ugly. It's just a cobbled together bar of a variety of protein-y things, with a strange sheen and a sticky texture. Honestly, on first contact with a Strong Bar, I thought it would taste pretty bad. However, I was wrong; the taste is quite nice. The almonds aren't too hard and dry, the seeds are tasty and crackly, and it's overall pretty good, even if you had it without flavor.

But here on Hard Yellow, all we care about it mustard!

The honey mustard flavor of the Honey Mustard Strong Bar is very strong. It's a firey sort of mustard, kind of like Colman's, just weaker. The honey aspect of the bar is quite refreshing, with a sweetness after the mustardy flavor. The aftertaste is a nice combination of the mustard & honey, which leaves you wanting more. Honestly, this is the tastiest health food you could ever ingest, folks.

So, mustardeers, I rate this bar at a 9.9 Strong Bars out of 10, just because it's not readily available. Go out and get yourself some Strong Bars, so you can become strong too.

Dijon Mustard Review - Edmond Fallot Basil

C'est une belle moutarde, oui?

Welcome, fellow mustardeers, to the world of French mustard! Or, should I say, la monde des moutardes françaises! (My French is horrible, just warning you now.)

Mustard has been a part of French cuisine for centuries, chiefly dijon mustard, a classic variety of mustard made with white wine in lieu of vinegar. Now, most dijons do not actually sire from the original French city of Dijon. However, the Fallot Mustard Mill, which creates Edmon Fallot-brand mustard, is actually located in the Burgundian region of France, of which Dijon is the capital. (Their website is honestly fantastic, if translated a bit wonkily.) It doesn't get much more authentic than this!

Walking through my local HomeGoods the other day, I found this noble-looking jar with an orange mark-down sticker upon it. Half an hour later, I was home with my surprisingly inexpensive little prize. May the mustardy gods bless thee, HomeGoods!

Upon opening the stately jar, you find that the mustard is very, very pungent in smell, like many traditionally made mustards. Do not see this as a turn-off, however - the strong smell of white wine is not what it will taste like. In fact, the mustard does not taste much like white wine at all - it has an incredibly powerful basil taste. I found it overpowering when used as a dip for meats, so I recommend using it in conjunction with starches or bread. The mustard flavor is not the strongest, but I find that acceptable, given that the centerpiece of this particular mustard is it's basil attribute.

This mustard is quite the experience, and I recommend it to all those who enjoy pesto more than anything. I give it 7 basil leaves out of 10; it was often overpowering, but all in all, it was a formidable mustard that is worth your time.

Specialty Mustard Review: Inglehoffer Cranberry

It's been a while, but here we are! Hard Yellow Forever!

I've been pretty busy with things lately, closing up my mustard-blogging time to a minimum; but I'm back now, and hopefully with weekly - perhaps even bi-weekly - reviews!

Just gotta brush off the cobwebs here.... How did I start these again? Jeez, it's been a while... Ah yes, here we go. Back on track. Let's get right into it!

During your travels in the condiment jungle (oh, it feels so good to say that again!), a skilled mustardeer must always be on the lookout for the, let's say, 'odd' varieties of the one true condiment. Once and a while, you'll be waltzing down the aisle, when suddenly, a rogue cotton-candy flavored mustard will appear in the rough between the Heinz 57 and the Utz.

Now, this is where you must take precautions - first, view the mustard. Is it really worth your time?
Trick question - it's mustard. Of course it is. Moving on...

Next, consider it's functionality. Is it something you would actually use? This is where the aforementioned cotton-candy flavored mustard - other than being a complete adulteration of the mustard family - would fail. But perhaps one has a sweet tooth? I'm not judging.

And finally, price. Seemingly unique mustards can often max out on price, when they honestly aren't that amazing. To be safe, see reviews - like Hard Yellow's! - before purchasing.

Yes, yes, I know there's an Amazon '12-Pack' thing. It's the only good image I could find.

But I'm getting off track. I received this mustard as a gift, so I did not have any choice in the first place as to whether it would grace my cabinet; I had to try it, no matter what. This mustard I speak of is Inglehoffer's Cranberry Mustard, which is reportedly 'great with turkey'. The mustard looks intriguing enough - it's a rambunctious deep purple; the jar is the classically inviting Inglehoffer's type; and who can refuse the proud little bearded German on the side?

However, it's just all downhill from there...

Opening the jar, you're instantly assailed by an overpowering smell of vinegar. Now, I'm a fan of vinegary mustards, mind you. However, when a jar of what I wanted to think fine mustard smells like a vat of cheap white vinegar, it's an instant turn-off for me. Maybe you're into swigging vinegar, but I'm not one of those types. So with this unfortunate smell in my nose, I went to spread the stuff on some chicken - it's close enough to turkey. Unfortunately, the stuff was off this weird, gelatinous consistency - some mustard seeds here, some chopped cranberry there - it wasn't mustard, it was a bloody spread! Eventually, I pulled through, and I took a bite.

Jesus christ, it was weird.

First off - just way, way too vinegary. I don't know what was going on in that jar - the cranberries were fermenting, for all I know. The vinegar-esqe taste just overpowered the entire ensemble with a strange, sour-bitter taste. The cranberry was weak, and what there was of it was just sour. Now, I live in prime cranberry country, and this is the cranberry time of year, so I goddamn know what a cranberry is supposed to taste like. This was not that. And then, the actual mustard aspect of it - effectively non-present. The spread would have been better if it were called 'Vinegar-cranberry flavored rat poison', because it would have at least let me know how it actually tasted.

Overall, the mustard was really just unfortunate; I really wanted to like it, because it was so unique and different, but after the second taste I just threw the stuff away. I give this mustard 1 cranberry out of 5, only because it tried.

Again, new posts coming soon, so get pumped!

Honey Mustard Review: Inglehoffer Sweet

The jar is so small. Yet so cute!

Ah, honey mustard. Despite it being quite good, I personally don't see it as much. It's main purpose in my eyes is to be a gateway for new mustard fans into the condiment jungle, not necessarily a great condiment. And unfortunately, this mustard has not proven me wrong.

I'm not saying this mustard is bad, of course; it's just that honey mustards feel a bit adulterated to my refined mustardy palette by now. But frankly, I just don't find this mustard living up to my past experiences with honey mustard either, when I was but a little tyke who ate macaroni and cheese for every other meal. I find the initial taste to be a little off-putting at first. I was taken a little bit aback; the stuff hit my tongue, and I was expecting an immediate, rich honey taste. What I got was a clashing honey and mustard. It did resolve quickly, but it was not a nice entry.

My other criticism is that the mustard was very thin. I'm accustomed now to the thick glory of strong, full-bodied mustards, so this came as a bit of a surprise. The mustard just seems to take a natural back-seat role to anything it's on. I didn't even taste it last time I used it.

And yes, I know, honey mustard is supposed to be used as a dipping sauce less than a spread. But this segways nicely into my next point - the jar size. It's a dinky little thing that makes you want to conserve the stuff, not use it as a dip at a party. The jar is pretty nice and distinctive, but come on! It's just too little.

I'd give this mustard 6 childhood memories out of 10. It wasnt bad, but I just didn't love it either. Stick to what you're good at, Inglehoffer - strong stuff.

Maybe in the future I'll find a good honey mustard. But for now, catch you again on Friday.

Deli Mustard Review: Kosciusko Spicy Brown

Just look at it's spicy brownness!

Welcome back, my mustardy fellows, to Hard Yellow!

Before we get started, I'd just like to announce that these reviews will be coming out more slowly than our past rapid-fire posts. This will ensure quality of posts, so you will get the best reviews of mustard possible!

So, onto the mustard. Just look at this thing. How can a mustard in a barrel-shaped bottle be bad? (It's also 100% natural. Apparently.) It looks like a dignified mustard, without being complacent enough to come in a glass jar. And dignified this mustard is!

The taste of this mustard is very nice. Not super vinegary, it carries that clean deli mustard taste I have grown to love in recent years. The spiciness that Kosciusko vouches isn't horribly strong. It's not the swift kick that Colman's offers, it's more of a hard yet friendly pat on the back. Because it's not so overpowering, it's good for when you want the mustard to take a supporting role, like on a good sandwich. In short, this is your "eating-a-sandwich-at-3-in-the-afternoon" kind of mustard; something that comforts, helps you along, but doesn't blow your taste buds immediately away.

I'd give this mustard 7 lazy summer days out of 10. It's a nice mustard, goes well with a good amount of stuff, and generally can hold it's own. It's a great addition to a mustard geek's collection.

Mustard Facts - Mustard Seeds

Some black and white mustard seeds.

What makes mustard, mustard? Other than the variety of vinegars, wines, and other liquids that are present in mustards, it's all in the mustard seeds.

There's three main kinds of mustard seeds - black (strongest flavor), brown, and white (weakest). Yellow mustard is usually made of white seeds, with the darkness of the seed increasing with the strength of the mustard. The grinding of the seeds releases the flavor of the seed, and the yellow colour as well.

These three main mustard seeds discussed here originate from the Eurasian region, black more specifically from the Middle East. Interestingly, white mustard - Sinapis alba - is in a different family than black and brown mustards - Brassica junecea and Brassica nigra - which makes it even more unique as a weaker mustard. The more you know.

Mustard seed can also be used as a medicinal plant, as it has antibacterial properties. In fact, it has shown to treat rheumatism, including rheumatism arthritis. Mustard just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

A final, very surprising fact is that snowy Canada produces a whopping 43% (2005) of all mustard seed, followed by Nepal at 15% and a pack of other cold Eurasian countries. And here's me, thinking that mustard was a warm climate plant! But no, Canada is king of mustard. Now I know where I'm gonna live.

Yellow Mustard - Colman's Original English

Note the unique bottle shape.

Ahhh, Colman's. There's no way a mustard connoisseur can not like this hallmark English mustard. There's just so much to be excited for when you see this condiment on the table.

Let's start with our usual critique of the bottle. This shape is immediately identifiable as Colman's - the slightly bell-shaped slope of the bottle is it's trademark look. The screw cap keeps the desolate wasteland look away, and gives it that fancy mustard air.

The mustard itself, however, is a tour de force of the English variety of mustard as a whole. It's a very strong mustard, with that heat that you would expect from a specimen of the English variety of the condiment jungle. It's a tiny bit sweet after the initial punch of heat; or maybe that was just my taste buds recuperating from the wave of mustardy goodness. It's hard to tell sometimes.

This mustard is good on pretty much anything that's English-esqe. Ham sandwich? Oh course. Pork? By all means. Potatoes? Absolutely. (Mustard tastes great with baked potatoes, trust me. You need a strong flavor like this to break through the starchiness, though.) This mustard, though very strong, is surprisingly versatile. If you're a fan of good mustard, and you're bored of weak American yellow, try this well-crafted mustard out for size - you won't be disappointed.

WALROR EDIT: this doesn't have a rating so I'm gonna stick a 9 in here.

Author Edit: Upon retrospection (4/27/20), this mustard scores a solid 10 / 10!

Mustard Facts - How can you tell when it has gone bad?

So here's a question I've gotten a bunch of times before, being an apparent expert on mustard; how do you know when your mustard has gone bad? I've had a basic idea of it before - "Its bad when, ya know, it doesn't taste mustardy anymore?" I've finally went and began research into the subject, and found out the answers to the question any mustard collector would ask.

The Transportation Information Service, or the Fachinformationen der Deutschen Transportversicherer, is a German online service for sea transport in the German area. As a part of this, the TIS has information on transport of specific cargoes. Under mustard (apparently, Germany transports so much mustard it needs a specific cargo page), it had a number of points that can help you keep your mustard! Here's a quick overview of the cargo info:

• Mustard must be stored under 20º C (68º F)
• If it's stored above this temperature, it will quickly lose flavor
• There's three ways of knowing if mustard is bad:
• If the jar is cracked, of course
• If there's water on the top
• If it's dully coloured/gray
• Light, exposure to oxygen and exposure to heat can all ruin your mustard  

Take these protips and run with 'em, and your mustard will stay fresh for months to come.