Sweet Mustards - East Shore Foods Sweet and Tangy Mustard

     So for this last Christmas season, my family decided that the only logical present for somebody like me would be to send me a plethora of mustards to have. One of these was the fantastic Düsseldorf I reviewed a few days ago; I also received a collection of mustards from Trader Joe's called the 'Mustard Miscellany', which will be a delight to review as the weeks march on. One of these moutardes nouvelles is East Shore Foods' Sweet & Tangy Mustard.  

Actual size is about 1 1/2 inches tall.

The container I got is just... wow. Way too small. I know it was supposed to be a cutesy stocking stuffer sort of mustard, but for heaven's sake, this jar was so small a butter knife could barely fit in it! While I acknowledge that there are larger sizes of this stuff, the simple fact that they sell that bastardized dwarf of a jar takes off points for me. When I have mustard, I want a damn large jar o' the stuff!

The taste itself is weak, as many other sweet mustard are susceptible to becoming. The taste is too sweet, obviously pandering to those unrefined palettes that cannot withstand a full-bodied mustard taste like that offered by Lakeshore's Irish Mustard, for example. The mustard is just not strong enough to even compliment something it's put on - it just gets lost in the background. When this happens to a mustard, I regret even putting it on, as I just wasted time applying something to my sandwich that I wouldn't even taste. But this aside, the mustard is alright; it is a bit tangy, which is fun and different. But the weakness of the mustard is just inexcusable.

Like I said, this mustard isn't horrible. But the fact is, it just isn't that great either. Because of the ineffective holiday packaging meant only to boost sales of stocking stuffers and the weakness of the mustard, this mustard gets a 4/10, a below average.

Speciality Dijon Mustard Review - Trader Joe's Provençal Mustard (from the Mustard Miscellany)

This time, I bring you, my loyal mustards, a real treat. Straight from the marvelous Trader Joe's Mustard Miscellany (which you can bet I'll be reviewing over the next few weeks!), I bring you a truly interesting mustard; Trader Joe's own Provençal mustard.

Get excited!

After rudimentary research, I have found that a Provençal mustard is considered by most mustard companies to be a Dijon with paprika, as Trader Joe's is; another example would be Edmond Fallot's own Provencal Dijon Mustard, which I plan to try once I can find it in a local shop!

As per usual with Trader Joe's mustards, the jar is nothing special, just a nice & functional glass jar with a screw top. Easy to use, effective for storage, really all-around okay. One thing I have noticed is that Trader Joe's seems to have a sort of continuity with its choice of glassware, as their wonderful stone-ground Dijon also has the same jar. It's food for thought.

On to the actual mustard - I had no idea it would be so paprika-y! When it comes down to it, the mustard is good not for the mustard flavor as much as the great paprika flavor, which is a taste you tend not to get with such a weak flavor. The white wine is also used well, and it is not overpowering to the rest of the flavors, as the acidic base of mustards can be (I'm looking at you, Heinz.) Although the paprika is great, I am a bit disappointed in how the mustard is masked by the strength of the paprika flavor; I would have preferred it if the flavors had balanced to be a Provençal mustard, not a paprika spread with mustard. But I digress - it's still good stuff. It's really nice on it's own, with a nice toasted bread like a baguette, and it also works well on savory foods, as long as you use enough of it.

This mustard excels in its amazing paprika-ful taste and smart use of white wine as the base of the dijon, but the mustard taste is just not strong enough to work with the paprika - if I have to search for the mustard while tasting, that's not going to earn great marks from me. Because of this, I give it a low 8; I may sound like I don't like it, but it's really still very tasty!

Yellow Mustard Review - Alstertor Düsseldorf-Style Mustard

     It's been a while, it really has. 5 more days than a year, to be exact. But fear not, my mustardy allies, for although I have not been writing mustard reviews for more than 12 months, I have most certainly been delighting my taste buds with that succulent mix of mustard seed and vinegar that we all know and love. I promise to you all, this will be only the first in a new string of mustard reviews that will seek to improve upon the platform I built a year ago. And with that, I bring you the king of the mustards I have tried in 2015, a true tour de force coming at you from the Rhineland: the Alstertor Düsseldorf-Style Mustard!

An adorable mug o' mustard!

     As per tradition here on Hard Yellow, I shall first address the vessel for the mustard; in this case, it is a lovely glassware in the shape of a classic German beer mug, tenderly made in what I can presume is only the most noble of German factories. While you, dear reader, may guffaw at the premise of a handled mustard jar, I rebute thee - having a handle only allows for increased precision when you come down to scraping the last knifeloads of mustardy goodness out of the jar. And after all, it doubles as a glass afterwards!  But let me be clear, although the choice of container is fabulous, this is by no means the best part of the this mustard.

     This mustard, in what I can only assume is what other Düsseldorf-style mustard strive to be, is audaciously smooth, even to the point of being 'creamy'. I was awed by the unique consistency of this fine specimen, which was also surprisingly light. The taste itself was a milder yellow mustard, definitely not as vinegary as a traditional American yellow; the mustard flavor was allowed to shine through, which I always appreciate. The fact that it's on the milder side does mean it's not the best choice on a sandwich, where you need a strong mustard like Colman's English to punch through the bread and meats - this mustard is best for dipping meats like pork or comping with potatoes or pretzels, situations where it does not overpower, but complements the food. In this way, this mustard is very refined, above the usual proletarian yellow mustards; this is a high-class fellow, deserving to be used in your finest meals.

     For my first mustard rating of 2016, I give this fantastic mustard a 9 out of 10, up there with other stellar mustards like the Colman's English and Olivier Cognac mustards. This is a culinary delicacy that one cannot afford to miss. And to you, I bid you a happy February of mustardy splendor!

Creole Mustard Review - Tabasco Coarse-Ground Mustard

Hey there Mustardeers! I'd like to apologize for the wait on my part - snow and tests and things got in the way. Thanks to Wally here, we managed to keep from a total silence, but nevertheless I apologize. That aside, let's move onto a mustard I've been wanting to review for a while: Tabasco's own Coarse-Ground hot mustard!

This is an example of the 'creole' variety of mustard. Hailing from New Orleans, it's a spicier and grainier mustard that goes great on such New Orleans dishes as po' boys. This mustard definitely fits into the category, with it's coarse-ground composition and the spice from the Tabasco. The bottle is also quite nice, with a nice curvature and generic cap like most other mustards in the condiment jungle.

Look how badass it looks! (Disclaimer: not actually badass.)

However, to my disappointment, the mustard does not perform so well in the flavor category. The spice is rather weak for what I would assume to be the classic red Tabasco sauce. The taste is overall bland, which is dissatisfying. Now, the taste that is there isn't half bad; the mustard flavor is there, if a little weak. However, I was expecting a taste more along the lines of a nice stone-ground Dijon, like Trader's Joes', but spicier; but what I got was a weak, deli-mustard-esqe flavor with only a weak kick.

I'd recommend using this mustard in large amounts on sandwiches and the like to make up for it's lack of strength. If you're looking for a slightly spicy, coarse mustard, this is the one; but knowing Tabasco's history of strong hot sauces, this was disappointing. I give this 4 of those adorable mini Tabasco bottles out of 10; it's mediocre, but by trying to be something it wasn't, that made me a little cranky.

Speciality Mustard Review - Olivier Cognac Mustard

Welcome, fellow Mustardeers, to another installment of Hard Yellow mustard reviews from your resident mustard fanatic! To help out for this post, my new editor has carefully reviewed this review to make this post the best it could be. (I pay him in handshakes.)

For our first real review of 2015, I present to you a masterpiece - Olivier's Cognac Mustard. As usual, I have to discuss the jar first before anything else; this is the mustard's only fault. The jar is unfortuantely quite unwirlding, especially the top; it gets stuck very easily, and ios one of those agravating tops that's hard to put back on again easily.

But with that over with, let's move on to the actual mustard!

From the vineyards of Napa Valley!

 
The stuff is magnificent. It smells pleasing, unlike other mustard involving alcoholic ingredients like dijon mustard; and the taste is unbelievable. It's almost creamy in taste, with a pleasant amount of mustard; the cognac definitely pulls it all together. This mustard is wonderful on most anything involving meat; I first had it on ham, which was delicious.

I looked at the ingredients, and they're quite interesting. The mustard is in fact a blend of stone ground mustard, dijon mustard and cognac. This lends for a mustard with both great taste and texture; there are just enough seeds to keep it interesting, but not too many to make it a birdseed-mustard.

Overall, this elegant mustard gets 9 french spirits out of 10; the taste is unbelievable, and it's definitely one of my favorite mustards, but for the reasons of the jar and my refusal of giving anything a perfect score, it stays at a 9.

Yellow Mustard Re-Review - French's Classic

It's so cute!

Welcome, Mustardeers, to our first Hard Yellow Re-Review!

I've noticed that I've been rather harsh to a number of mustards I have reviewed in the past, including this hallmark of the contemporary mustard scene, French's Classic Yellow. This is the mustard you will see when you look up mustard on Google Images; it's the mustard you'll find at a barbeque, on a pretzel cart, or in a hot dog shop. This mustard is a reliable bastion of the Mustard faith.

Now, before I said the mustard was just okay. But now that I've received the mustard as a personal gift, I'm willing to go further and say it's really quite good. The vinegar to mustard ratio is not as large as I remember; while it still is more vinegary than Koop's, it's pretty formidable in the mustard flavor department.

I'd also like to talk about the shape of the bottle. Like, come on! This thing is a masterpiece of industrial design. The curvature of the bottle is optimal for squeezing; the cap is both small enough at the tip to avoid crusty mustardness, and wide enough at the bottom to allow easy squeezing; and it has a great iconic look, comparable to the classic Campbell's can as a classic icon.

All in all, I give this mustard 8 cutesy mustard bottles out of 10, for it's many strengths in the mustard category and it's superiority in the packaging one.

Yellow Mustard Review - Koops' Original

What a wonderful thing!

Welcome, Mustardeers, to the review of my favorite yellow mustard!

Koops' is a wonderful mustard, with a nice, full-bodied taste, unlike other common yellow mustards like French's, which goes down the vinegary line instead. The mustard has many great qualities that set it apart from the generic family barbeque mustard, which keeps me using it day after day. Fasten your seatbelts, because you've boarded the Hard Yellow roller-coaster of mustardy goodness!

First, the bottle shape is quite nice. It's big, has a nice hand feel and looks authentic with the real mustard yellow color, unlike French's or Heinz' brighter yellow. Even with my voracious mustard appetite, I haven't run out of the stuff from my month-old bottle. My only criticism is that the flip cap can yield a crusty mustard-disk if not cleaned after use; it's not a nice experience to have that drop in the middle of your food, you know?

Moving on to the consistency. It's a smooth mustard, but maybe slightly less than other commercial mustards. It gives off the feeling that there's real ground mustard seeds in there, instead of concentrated mustard powder. (It's probably still powder, but mouthfeel is mouthfeel.)

Finally, the overall taste. As I mentioned earlier, the mustard is frankly just more mustardy than other yellow mustards. The increased mustard flavor works well withe the tartness of the vinegar to create a wonderful casual mustard, great for use with hot dogs, burgers and the odd soft pretzel. I give this mustard a solid 8 Mini-Coopers (geddit) out of 10, for a nice, functional mustard that keeps every meal enjoyable without the stress of choosing the perfect mustard.

Mustard Product Review - Strong & Kind Honey Mustard Almond Protein Bar

This stuff is amazing.

Just going to preface this review with that; honestly, start queuing up a shipment of strong bars on Amazon while you read this. It's legitimate mustard mana.

The Strong & Kind bars, which my friends and I fondly refer to as Strong Bars, are almond-based protein bars that are surprisingly good for you, and even more surprisingly amazingly delicious. If this were not a mustard blog, I would be praising the Honey Smoked BBQ and Thai Sweet Chili flavors too; luckily enough, however, the Honey Mustard flavor reigns supreme.

But wait, you may ask - Why in hell's name are you perusing a line of protein bars? Let me explain.

My good friend brought in one of these formidable-looking things to homeroom one morning, and my friends and I incessantly made fun of him for eating such an apparently disgusting thing as a protein bar; I will definitely give you that this thing has an initially off-putting appearance, but you'll get over it, or even grow to enjoy it with a certain love.
Anyhoo, he told us how great it was, and it quickly became the new fad, if you will, in our friend group of thirty-something. Nowadays, it's a cherished good that we celebrate in partaking in every time.

Unfortunately we couldn't complete the flavor quintet of Honey BBQ, Roasted Jalapeno, Hickory Smoked & Thai Sweet Chili without Honey Mustard, which was apparently so popular or amazing that our local supermarket either doesn't carry them or runs out of them immediately. Eventually, we decided to order them online. A week later, we indulged ourselves in some Strong Bar goodness.

And onto the actual review we go!

The Strong Bar, in all it's 45º angle glory!

Let's start with appearance. Like I said before, it's kind of endearingly ugly. It's just a cobbled together bar of a variety of protein-y things, with a strange sheen and a sticky texture. Honestly, on first contact with a Strong Bar, I thought it would taste pretty bad. However, I was wrong; the taste is quite nice. The almonds aren't too hard and dry, the seeds are tasty and crackly, and it's overall pretty good, even if you had it without flavor.

But here on Hard Yellow, all we care about it mustard!

The honey mustard flavor of the Honey Mustard Strong Bar is very strong. It's a firey sort of mustard, kind of like Colman's, just weaker. The honey aspect of the bar is quite refreshing, with a sweetness after the mustardy flavor. The aftertaste is a nice combination of the mustard & honey, which leaves you wanting more. Honestly, this is the tastiest health food you could ever ingest, folks.

So, mustardeers, I rate this bar at a 9.9 Strong Bars out of 10, just because it's not readily available. Go out and get yourself some Strong Bars, so you can become strong too.

Dijon Mustard Review - Edmond Fallot Basil

C'est une belle moutarde, oui?

Welcome, fellow mustardeers, to the world of French mustard! Or, should I say, la monde des moutardes françaises! (My French is horrible, just warning you now.)

Mustard has been a part of French cuisine for centuries, chiefly dijon mustard, a classic variety of mustard made with white wine in lieu of vinegar. Now, most dijons do not actually sire from the original French city of Dijon. However, the Fallot Mustard Mill, which creates Edmon Fallot-brand mustard, is actually located in the Burgundian region of France, of which Dijon is the capital. (Their website is honestly fantastic, if translated a bit wonkily.) It doesn't get much more authentic than this!

Walking through my local HomeGoods the other day, I found this noble-looking jar with an orange mark-down sticker upon it. Half an hour later, I was home with my surprisingly inexpensive little prize. May the mustardy gods bless thee, HomeGoods!

Upon opening the stately jar, you find that the mustard is very, very pungent in smell, like many traditionally made mustards. Do not see this as a turn-off, however - the strong smell of white wine is not what it will taste like. In fact, the mustard does not taste much like white wine at all - it has an incredibly powerful basil taste. I found it overpowering when used as a dip for meats, so I recommend using it in conjunction with starches or bread. The mustard flavor is not the strongest, but I find that acceptable, given that the centerpiece of this particular mustard is it's basil attribute.

This mustard is quite the experience, and I recommend it to all those who enjoy pesto more than anything. I give it 7 basil leaves out of 10; it was often overpowering, but all in all, it was a formidable mustard that is worth your time.

Specialty Mustard Review: Inglehoffer Cranberry

It's been a while, but here we are! Hard Yellow Forever!

I've been pretty busy with things lately, closing up my mustard-blogging time to a minimum; but I'm back now, and hopefully with weekly - perhaps even bi-weekly - reviews!

Just gotta brush off the cobwebs here.... How did I start these again? Jeez, it's been a while... Ah yes, here we go. Back on track. Let's get right into it!

During your travels in the condiment jungle (oh, it feels so good to say that again!), a skilled mustardeer must always be on the lookout for the, let's say, 'odd' varieties of the one true condiment. Once and a while, you'll be waltzing down the aisle, when suddenly, a rogue cotton-candy flavored mustard will appear in the rough between the Heinz 57 and the Utz.

Now, this is where you must take precautions - first, view the mustard. Is it really worth your time?
Trick question - it's mustard. Of course it is. Moving on...

Next, consider it's functionality. Is it something you would actually use? This is where the aforementioned cotton-candy flavored mustard - other than being a complete adulteration of the mustard family - would fail. But perhaps one has a sweet tooth? I'm not judging.

And finally, price. Seemingly unique mustards can often max out on price, when they honestly aren't that amazing. To be safe, see reviews - like Hard Yellow's! - before purchasing.

Yes, yes, I know there's an Amazon '12-Pack' thing. It's the only good image I could find.

But I'm getting off track. I received this mustard as a gift, so I did not have any choice in the first place as to whether it would grace my cabinet; I had to try it, no matter what. This mustard I speak of is Inglehoffer's Cranberry Mustard, which is reportedly 'great with turkey'. The mustard looks intriguing enough - it's a rambunctious deep purple; the jar is the classically inviting Inglehoffer's type; and who can refuse the proud little bearded German on the side?

However, it's just all downhill from there...

Opening the jar, you're instantly assailed by an overpowering smell of vinegar. Now, I'm a fan of vinegary mustards, mind you. However, when a jar of what I wanted to think fine mustard smells like a vat of cheap white vinegar, it's an instant turn-off for me. Maybe you're into swigging vinegar, but I'm not one of those types. So with this unfortunate smell in my nose, I went to spread the stuff on some chicken - it's close enough to turkey. Unfortunately, the stuff was off this weird, gelatinous consistency - some mustard seeds here, some chopped cranberry there - it wasn't mustard, it was a bloody spread! Eventually, I pulled through, and I took a bite.

Jesus christ, it was weird.

First off - just way, way too vinegary. I don't know what was going on in that jar - the cranberries were fermenting, for all I know. The vinegar-esqe taste just overpowered the entire ensemble with a strange, sour-bitter taste. The cranberry was weak, and what there was of it was just sour. Now, I live in prime cranberry country, and this is the cranberry time of year, so I goddamn know what a cranberry is supposed to taste like. This was not that. And then, the actual mustard aspect of it - effectively non-present. The spread would have been better if it were called 'Vinegar-cranberry flavored rat poison', because it would have at least let me know how it actually tasted.

Overall, the mustard was really just unfortunate; I really wanted to like it, because it was so unique and different, but after the second taste I just threw the stuff away. I give this mustard 1 cranberry out of 5, only because it tried.

Again, new posts coming soon, so get pumped!