Mustard Facts - Mustard Seeds

Some black and white mustard seeds.

What makes mustard, mustard? Other than the variety of vinegars, wines, and other liquids that are present in mustards, it's all in the mustard seeds.

There's three main kinds of mustard seeds - black (strongest flavor), brown, and white (weakest). Yellow mustard is usually made of white seeds, with the darkness of the seed increasing with the strength of the mustard. The grinding of the seeds releases the flavor of the seed, and the yellow colour as well.

These three main mustard seeds discussed here originate from the Eurasian region, black more specifically from the Middle East. Interestingly, white mustard - Sinapis alba - is in a different family than black and brown mustards - Brassica junecea and Brassica nigra - which makes it even more unique as a weaker mustard. The more you know.

Mustard seed can also be used as a medicinal plant, as it has antibacterial properties. In fact, it has shown to treat rheumatism, including rheumatism arthritis. Mustard just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

A final, very surprising fact is that snowy Canada produces a whopping 43% (2005) of all mustard seed, followed by Nepal at 15% and a pack of other cold Eurasian countries. And here's me, thinking that mustard was a warm climate plant! But no, Canada is king of mustard. Now I know where I'm gonna live.

Yellow Mustard - Colman's Original English

Note the unique bottle shape.

Ahhh, Colman's. There's no way a mustard connoisseur can not like this hallmark English mustard. There's just so much to be excited for when you see this condiment on the table.

Let's start with our usual critique of the bottle. This shape is immediately identifiable as Colman's - the slightly bell-shaped slope of the bottle is it's trademark look. The screw cap keeps the desolate wasteland look away, and gives it that fancy mustard air.

The mustard itself, however, is a tour de force of the English variety of mustard as a whole. It's a very strong mustard, with that heat that you would expect from a specimen of the English variety of the condiment jungle. It's a tiny bit sweet after the initial punch of heat; or maybe that was just my taste buds recuperating from the wave of mustardy goodness. It's hard to tell sometimes.

This mustard is good on pretty much anything that's English-esqe. Ham sandwich? Oh course. Pork? By all means. Potatoes? Absolutely. (Mustard tastes great with baked potatoes, trust me. You need a strong flavor like this to break through the starchiness, though.) This mustard, though very strong, is surprisingly versatile. If you're a fan of good mustard, and you're bored of weak American yellow, try this well-crafted mustard out for size - you won't be disappointed.

WALROR EDIT: this doesn't have a rating so I'm gonna stick a 9 in here.

Author Edit: Upon retrospection (4/27/20), this mustard scores a solid 10 / 10!

Dijon Mustard Review - Market Basket Brand Dijon Mustard

I didn't have any other mustard, so I had to go with this. I didn't have a high quality image either. (Then ChickenPox got me a better one.) This is the okay of mustards. It was your good old spicy dijon, but the bottle really got me.

First off, we had a case of desolate mustard wasteland cap. It was crusty, and crusty is not what I want in my dijon mustard. I also had the wet mustard problem, where all the oils or something float to the top and then drip out when you go to squeeze the bottle.

Finally, the sound. Oh sweet, mustardy gods, please forgive Market Basket. Never mind the sound, some sort of alien ray mixed with pain and sadness, as it makes a kind of "sploooshuffffgush" sound. And repeats.

Anyways, the mustard was mediocre. If you can't afford fancy dijon, feel free to pick up this. And look forward to Market Basket's honey mustard review, too.

(I need more mustard.)

WALROR EDIT: yeah this stuff wasn't too great so I'm gonna put in a 4.

Mustard Facts - How can you tell when it has gone bad?

So here's a question I've gotten a bunch of times before, being an apparent expert on mustard; how do you know when your mustard has gone bad? I've had a basic idea of it before - "Its bad when, ya know, it doesn't taste mustardy anymore?" I've finally went and began research into the subject, and found out the answers to the question any mustard collector would ask.

The Transportation Information Service, or the Fachinformationen der Deutschen Transportversicherer, is a German online service for sea transport in the German area. As a part of this, the TIS has information on transport of specific cargoes. Under mustard (apparently, Germany transports so much mustard it needs a specific cargo page), it had a number of points that can help you keep your mustard! Here's a quick overview of the cargo info:

• Mustard must be stored under 20º C (68º F)
• If it's stored above this temperature, it will quickly lose flavor
• There's three ways of knowing if mustard is bad:
• If the jar is cracked, of course
• If there's water on the top
• If it's dully coloured/gray
• Light, exposure to oxygen and exposure to heat can all ruin your mustard  

Take these protips and run with 'em, and your mustard will stay fresh for months to come.

Aioli Mustard Review - Trader Joe's Aioli Garlic Mustard

Now here is a interesting specimen of the condiment jungle - an aioli mustard. Aioli is a condiment siring from the Provence region of southern France, made from a combination of olive oil, garlic and egg yolk with some lemon juice thrown in. This specific medley of aioli and mustard is quite the delicious condiment, if I do say so myself. It's not quite as much of a go-to mustard as others, but if a particular food does well with a garlicky flavor, it's definitely a good choice.

I've never actually had just plain old aioli by itself, but I've heard it is very much like mayonnaise, which is by no means a bad thing. Mayonnaise may be inferior to mustard, but it can still be delicious; and it isn't a stretch at all to say aioli is delicious. At least, with mustard, because I haven't had it and all... you get it.

This is a great baseline mustard for the aioli mustard world. It's nice and garlicky, has a good consistency, and a good colour to boot. I use it most during dinner with whatever I'm having; basically everything I eat already has garlic in it, so this does very nicely.

The jar itself is a little on the boring side. No interesting curves, the cap is just your normal screw-on, and so on. But the mustard itself is of very high quality, and is one you should never miss in your travels in the condiment jungle.

WALROR EDIT: this doesn't have a rating and I dunno if it should be 8 or 9, but I'm gonna go with 8.

Yellow Mustard Review - Heinz Yellow Mustard

When I first saw this mustard, I had high hopes for it. I thought "maybe Heinz has finally redeemed itself after years of heathenous ketchup making." Possibly a bit naïve, but I desperately wanted Heinz Yellow to be good. But it is here where we run into the first of only a few bad mustards. Generally speaking, it's really hard to make a bad mustard, as most of the worse ones are only mediocre, but here is where Heinz gets the job done.

This mustard does do one thing right though: the bottle. I know it's a small thing, but I always hate getting the last bits of mustard out of the squeeze bottle, (which is why I generally prefer a jar), so having the cap on the bottom makes it much easier to get it out of the bottle. It's the ease of use of a jar with the convenience of a squeeze bottle, and the way the cap is designed also means that there isn't the desolate wasteland of a cap we always describe. But that's where the good parts end.

Heinz Yellow Mustard is, to put it simply, awful. It is far too sour, almost to the point of being inedible, and is just disgusting all around. The coloring of the mustard makes it look like easy cheese. The worst part is, this mustard isn't balanced at all. Assuming this is a "strong" yellow mustard, one would try comparing this to Lakeshore Strong Irish Mustard, but this is not an accurate comparison. Heinz Yellow is sour, but the main problem is that it's only sour. There is only a tiny bit of mustard flavor and spice. It's pretty much a mustard-flavored vinegar that can squeeze. Its flavor means it isn't good on anything, and doesn't allow for use in recipes either.

I think the worst part about this mustard is that this is going to be the standard for ketchup heathens, just like alienware is the standard of PCs for console peasants. I've seen the big packages of 2 heinz ketchups, a heinz mustard, and a heinz relish. I've even seen this mustard at quite a few barbecues as well. No matter how easy it is to get, no matter how convenient it is, do not pick up this mustard, you'll be glad you didn't.

WALROR EDIT: 0/10 heinz is evil

Deli Mustard Review - Grey Poupon Horseradish Deli Mustard

Oh, deli mustards. How I love them. When you need a flavor to liven up your otherwise dull entrée, a fine deli mustard like this Grey Poupon has you covered. This specific specimen of deli mustard, otherwise known as spicy brown mustard, is a fine addition to any burger, sandwich, or other food. The squeeze bottle doesn't prove to be much of a problem, if you're careful of the destructive effects of having a desolate wasteland of a cap.

Grey Poupon is always a good baseline for mustards in general, but it seems to me that they always run a little on the weak side. For instance, last night I had a burger with this stuff slathered all over it, and it just wasn't very strong. (Granted, it was a burger, which are famously good at negating condiment flavors, but still.) Despite this, the mustard is still well balanced with a good base texture and flavor and some spice from horseradish.

In case you don't know what a horseradish root looks like, I've stuck a photo to the left. You're welcome.

When I think of a horseradish mustard, I think of Boar's Head. Now there's some flavor. I'll have to do a review sometime...





WALROR EDIT: I think this is a 7, so I'll stick that in.

Yellow Mustard Review - Lakeshore Strong Irish Mustard

This here mustard is another of my preferred mustards for daily use. This yellow mustard (it's not really that much of a 'yellow' yellow mustard though, but I'll elaborate on that later) has a powerful punch that wakes up one's palette in a jiffy, as the name alludes to. It'll tear your previous beliefs on an Irish mustard to flitters, ya gobdaw!

The mustard is obviously quite smooth, as can be seen through the stout glass jar favored by Lakeshore for its many kinds of mustard. Having a more mellow texture like this allows the mustard to perform well across the board, primarily on sandwiches, as a dip and with meats. However, this is where the mustard's mellow nature ends. Hidden behind this seemingly friendly yellow colour is a kraken of a mustardy flavor! Be sure to use this condiment in smaller amounts than your usual yellow mustards; when I first encountered this ferocious predator of the condiment jungle, I was unaware of it's 'strong' aspect until I had a tablespoon of the stuff on my tongue. Not the best way to be introduced, but it won me back over quickly.

The defining characteristic of a yellow mustard is the fact that it contains turmeric, a mellow but down-to-earth-tasting spice, which creates the bright yellow colour. Despite the fact that Lakeshore's Strong Irish Mustard likely contains turmeric for it's telltale colour, it is wildly unlike other yellows like French's in it's taste. It would likely be better to call this mustard an English mustard, for it's taste, but for now we'll still refer to it as yellow. Yellow or not, this mustard is one to look out for in your travels.

WALROR EDIT: This stuff looks pretty good, so an 8 should be alright.

Dijon Mustard Review - Trader Joe's Whole Grain Dijon Mustard

Another installment to our line of dijon mustard reviews is this versatile mustard by none other than Trader Joe's. With a strong dijon flavor and a nice grainy texture, this mustard breaks away from the pack. Also, it keeps well, and has a nice jar curvature unlike common mustard of the condiment jungle. Of course, there is the problem with convenience with the cap, but that is to be expected from any jar-based mustard.

I prefer this mustard above others on sandwiches. It's nice on ham, turkey and roast beef with a slice of muenster (which are basically the only sandwiches I make for myself). The interesting texture of the seeds helps to liven up an otherwise uniform meal. It complements other non-meaty flavors well too; it's a good go-to mustard for any mustardy activities that need a dose of uniqueness.

This specimen of a mustard can be hard to track down in your area, as it is sold exclusively by Joe himself. But no matter what you need to do to get your hands on it's glassy surface, it's definitely a mustard worth your time.

WALROR EDIT: okay this looks pretty mediocre so a 7 will do

HY is still unsponsered! I swear!

Dijon Mustard Review - Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard (With Recipe for Honey Mustard)

Ah, Grey Poupon. Much like Ingelhoffer, we have no idea what it means, it's not gray, and the name does make it sound disgusting. But ah, is it versatile. It's one of the first dijon mustards, and is smooth like yellow mustard, yet more complex like stone ground mustard. It comes in (more recently) a fairly basic oblong squeeze bottle, but is more commonly found in a neat glass jar, and it always seems like mustard tastes better out of the jar. It also means that you don't get a desolate wasteland of a cap, even though you have to use a knife.


I'm quite a fan of this mustard. It has a fine white wine flavor (as advertised on the jar), and a nice "bite" of spice at the end, without much spice before, but still keeps that quintessential mustard taste, although it is a bit more acidic than I generally like. It's my favorite kind of "regular" mustard (I'll expand on that later), as it has a nice surprise with the kick of spice, and is good on just about anything.

As I said before, Grey Poupon is my favorite kind of "regular" mustard. By this I don't mean that all mustards are the same, I just try to use that to differentiate honey mustard from the regular mustard taste found with most other varieties of mustard. What happens when I don't have any honey mustard laying around? Simple! Grey Poupon has me covered, as I just make some honey mustard with it (versatility in a nutshell). If you want to make it, it's really not hard. Simply take a small cup, put some Grey Poupon (the squeezable kind works a bit better here for ease of use) in it, and pour in about an equivalent amount of honey, and mix it until combined. It's a bit thinner than the stuff you'd find in a bottle, and couldn't really be squeezed that well, but man is it delicious. Besides, by being thinner, this means you can also use it for easy dipping, and even as salad dressing, allowing you to eat your mustard on even more foods.

WALROR EDIT: This seems like a solid 7 poupons.

Stone Ground Mustard Review - Inglehoffer Stone Ground Mustard

Ah, yes. Inglehoffer ™. I don't know what it means, but it's delicious. Spread this yellow cream of heaven unto thine bread to create a masterpiece of a sandwich. Sometimes I like to eat the little brown things in it because they are cool.

Compared to classic yellow mustard,  Inglehoffer™ stone ground mustard is pretty awesome. It's good on pretty much anything. Especially on kielbasa subs. I mean, if I didn't love mustard so much, I would make this on how hot dogs suck compared to kielbasa. But anyways, this is a rare but beautiful mustard in the condiment jungle. Would eat again.

WALROR EDIT: This is pretty alright, but I'm gonna do a 6 to mix it up a bit.

we still arent getting paid stop looking at me like that

Yellow Mustard Review - French's Classic Yellow

As our first review on Hard Yellow, we're starting with the classic cookout condiment, yellow mustard. This kind of mustard, the kind commonly encountered out in the condiment wilderness, is truly a masterpiece. Imagine a world, with no mustard. Just ketchup. Disgusting.

Classic Yellow mustard is a rather classic example of yellow mustard. So classic that it is, in fact, yellow. Not only is this mustard yellow, but it is also classic! Anyways, this mustard is a work of art. It tastes like what mustard should taste like: mustard. A little on the vinegary side, but that's to be expected from a both yellow and French's mustard.
The main problem is that weird crusty mustard rings around the cap that the mustard comes out of, which is a common problem with any kind of yellow mustard; without extreme care and maintenance of one's squeezable bottle, the cap will become a desolate wasteland. But not all can be perfect. Overall, it's pretty okay.

WALROR EDIT: Pox did a re-review so I'm not gonna give this a rating.

we didn't get paid for this i swear

Mustard Reign Begins